The Napkin Chronicles II

I went to my favorite spot tonight for a good write-up: Lawson, a Japanese convenient store where you can purchase meals (like chicken fried rice, sushi rolls, sandwiches, curry, spaghetti), grab a few cold ones, and grab some snacks for later (in tonight’s case, I went for the nacho cheese Doritos, because they really are that good). I was sitting by the window enjoying this mix of chicken, egg, potato, kimchi, and rice…drinking a few beers of course; I viewed out the window watching the movements of dozens upon dozens shuffle by the busy dimly lit streets. I wondered what existential questions dazzle their minds

It’s August, I am restless

Last August, also restless

Also August, also hot as sin

More air conditioned, less outside time

What questions came to my mind a year ago? August 2014 still locked up in my parent’s home, watching Netflix and putting my college degree to no good use as I pay off the student loans at an incredibly asinine interest rate…no, it’s not questions that haunt my very essence; same question always lingering: what am I doing with my life?

Answer: Teaching, to make a living, regardless the means, I’ll teach and I’ll have to like it because I wasted 4 years on a shit liberal arts degree…deluding myself on some schizophrenic  high school idealism telling me this was the only path the one carved for the social justice warrior led astray his surrounding flock and in turn becoming a sheep nonetheless.

What trivialities come to my mind this August?

Breakfast Time: Do I really want to cook eggs and veggies this morning? I could possibly just skip breakfast and eat a bigger lunch….though, McDonalds does have a chicken biscuit and a hashbrown….but, Pizza Hut has unlimited coffee until 10:30 and that comes with average bacon n’ toast…I think I should just skip Breakfast; I’d rather sleep for an extra hour, after all I’ve got all in the time in the world to do….wait, what am I doing again?

Right Before Noon: Damn I’m hungry, why did I skip breakfast? Now I’m angry. I should read more literature. Or practice my grammar. Nah, fucks it, iz fine

Lunch Time: That was delicious.

Following Lunch: When’s dinner?

Dinner: That was delicious. I wonder if I’ll get laid tonight. I wonder if I’ll spend countless hours on the internet scrolling through bullshit

Following Dinner: I wonder why I spent my whole evening scrolling through useless bullshit on the internet

Before Bed: Did I forget to do something? That’s right, I didn’t wash my clothes, I swear I would do that today….I promise to do it…first thing….in the..m.ornnnn

Bed: Life is pretty groovy, I guess.

            I walked home gazing through the late night traffic, Doritos and beer in hand striding a careful path, one taken many times before. In just two weeks, my environment: still the same country; same city; same general thing; however, my behavior will change again and I will adapt a new norm for comfortability: a new shell to call my home.

            On my return home I pondered what the evening would bring me: I will eat the Doritos; I will drink the beer. I passed by a billboard with a picture of Iron Man and Captain America posing with some carbonated beverage. I forget I am in China sometimes, the words are different, written in those Chinese characters, but the meaning is the same…a capitalist wasteland. The people are all the same, obsessing over their phones and monitary gains. I too, am like them, a fact I try to hide. I got a new phone last week and have spent every waking minute on it playing many a game and studying Chinese…ok, really just playing games and chatting on facebook but occasionally I’ll open up Pleco and try to learn a new word. Life has become a dream, one I don’t wish to wake up from. It’s weird how out here one’s national identity points out more. When I see a black guy from America, I don’t think of him as a black American but rather just an American. I too, am an American. Not extremely proud in a nationalist identity, but I am what I am and it has shaped me into who I have become.

            The following morning I had a panic attack on the bus. Not one of those panic attacks where you’re gasping and causing a scene…no, this was one purely in my mind and all I could do was look out the window and stare at the endless 20-story buildings. I felt trapped around all these people and this multitude of thoughts always haunting me. My brain said a beer would help, I knew that true, but it was also continue to cripple me. Korean food did the trick in the end.

           

            There are options in my life now: where will I travel next; will I get  a degree in Digital Learning; do I want to continue teaching for the rest of my life; will I stay with my girlfriend and become a family man; will I go back to the American food industry (note: no); what will my next campaign of DnD be like; what will I do for my winter vacation; should I ever attempt writing a novel again; should I continue blogging.

            I sometimes wonder why I continue to write. Probably for the same reason I first picked it up a dozen years ago, because like meditation, it allows me to format my thoughts the most practical way possible while trying to figure out how to better myself and my condition. Though still, sometimes, it all seems so pointless twiddling away my fingers with a limited vocabulary in expressing whatever comes to mind. I observe the Chinese on a daily basis, and hope to soon write a collection of short stories told through the perspective of random Chinese people. The problem here will be a lack of understanding of their culture, but I hope to at the least try to figure out what motivates them to keep going. I wonder what goes on in the mind of many of these people: the small shop next to my apartment; the woman selling fruits on the street; the bus driver taking the same 5 km bus route day in to day out; the teacher assistant who gets paid fuck all while white men working half their hours get paid in gold to scream a few English words in an hour and a half session; what of the street sweepers and the maids and the Mcdonalds employees dressed in their slave uniforms; the CEOs and corrupt businessmen; the 19-year old boy in the food court who takes leftovers from people’s tray so he can feed himself; the man covered in burns who sits outside the shopping mall with a hat of 1’s; the foreigners with no real endgame; the whores and the misfits; the students who spend their entire childhoods wasting away on test results and useless knowledge; the parents who support this recklessness for their children; the traffic policeman who stands in the middle of the road probably frightened to death by the ridiculous drivers who whiz by him every hour; and of course, I wonder what goes on in the unconsciousness of my loved one.

            So, I will continue to blog, but I will begin talking less about my experiences here and shifting my prose to narrative pieces that capture a humorous interpretation of my viewing of how these people view themselves. It will be far from the truth, but I have never been one for the truth but rather one who cares for comedy with a setting disguised as fact. I will also post some of my lesson plans for university from time to time whenever I craft one I think is truly magical, especially updating about how I will use Dungeons and Dragons and role-playing gaming with my graduate students. Cheers, and may the force be with yah.

            

Things

                I’ve been in China now for nearly a year, so I think it’s high time to compile a quick list of things that have changed in this past year while noting the pros and cons of the Chinese expatriate life. I think the best way going about all this is to divide these numerous categories into things, because things are easy to organize…and I like it simple, quick, and in the evening (especially after a few beers and smokes)

Things I’ve learned:

·         How to cook, decently; i.e.:

 And Nutkum, just cause

·         How to cut my own hair (all I need is a pair of scissors, bathroom mirror…and some intoxication certainly helps)

·         How to live in solitude

·         How to save money and pay all my own bills

·         I now know lamb and duck are the two most delicious meats

·         Warm water is better for you than cold water (though I still think warm beer is gross)

o   However, I still don’t think AC can get you sick and I prefer the cold if I have an option in the matter

·         Ginger is the cure to everything

·         Proper sleep is important, and waking up early isn’t all that bad

·         Cleanliness is next to godliness and when you keep your place constantly clean, it is a lot easier to keep it that way rather than have to do a massive job once a month in tidying up

·         My American identity

o   I’m afraid of Americans

o   I’ve accepted I’m American

o   I’m still afraid of Americans

§  Especially crazy gun nuts

·         Figuring out directions without the help of Google maps (noted: not by choice)

·         Minimal Mandarin such as beer, cigarettes, bag, chopsticks, names of streets and squares, numbers 1-999, simple greetings, how to say sappy romantic shit for when my girlfriend is pissed off at me, how to say this (which is the most helpful because whenever im at a restaurant I can just point to what I want and say jeega – no clue in how to spell that btw), yes/no, stating to someone who is speaking Chinese to you that you “ don’t know how to speak Chinese,” Cheers which here means chugging your glasss

·         My pantomime technique has become ace. The best way to express what you need is through simple, fluid motions and sometimes creating a picture through hand gestures

Things I miss

·         Friends: despite all of the great mates I’ve made here, I still long for those whom I created a meaningful relationship my life prior to coming here. You know who you are and I shall catch up with you when I visit the states next summer.

·         Beer: it’s a lot easier to get drunk here with their lack of open container laws and the fact I can drink a beer at lunch (of course on days I’m not working!!!!) and no one looks at me funny. Such a terrific benefit for someone who enjoys their boozing, but Chinese beer, as I’ve said on numerous occasions, just isn’t that great, so much so, that even Budweiser is a treat. However, I still consider the trade-off better because those lunch beers and beers in the park are so god damn nice and sometimes I can throw out some dollas to get IPAs if need be.

·         Nightlife: Dalian is a beautiful city for what it’s worth and I enjoy every minute of being here. The people and atmosphere is great, except for the fact going out to experience nightlife is completely different from backhome. Now, I’m also at a disadvantage currently because I work weekends and most of the nights I go out are on Wednesdays/Thursdays, but even so the weekends I have gone out here have just not matched up to the Western standard. The reason for this is a lack of bar culture and a music scene. It’s not the most important thing for a decent living, but it would be nice if every once in a while if I could catch some groovy local bands while sipping on a dank microbrew then finish up the night at a 24 hour joint that serves tasty treats and coffee.

·         Fast Internet: I remember when I could just watch Netflix all day…..

·         Cook-Out, Chick-Fil-A, etc.: My fat American self is more than content with joints like McDonalds, KFC and Burger King everywhere, but these are shitty fast food places I would never visit back home (except for that time I lived by a McDonalds and a liquor store because they go hand-in-hand). Regardless of having my heady supply of American junkfood at my disposal, I still crave certain fast food items like a Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich deluxe with provolone cheese and Polynesian sauce, or a Cook-out tray with a quesadilla, chicken wrap, hushpuppies, cheerwine float (or a milkshake depending on the mood) and of course extra quesadilla sauce and honey mustard. Damn, I’m making myself hungry just writing this shit. I also find it a bit ironic I used ChickfilA and Cookout for my examples since these are both corporations that hold strict conservative Christian views…..thus bringing me to my next point;

The Thing that fucking irritates me

·         One of my major selling points in escaping to Chinaland was this belief of an authoritarian communist government that opposed any religion. Though my personal political affiliations support the freedom of dogmatic practices, I wanted to spend time away from the Bible belt I was raised in and discover myself in a culture that rejected such inane religiosity. I have nothing against people that want to believe in an invisible man floating around in the sky, you can believe what you want, I just don’t want to hear about it because it means nothing to me. Sadly, I forgot that a third of the world is Christian and with as big of a place as China is…there was an utter certainly that a huge flock of believers would graze these lands. I think Chinese Christians may annoy me more than their American counterparts because these folks, for the most part I imagine, are people who weren’t brainwashed by their conformist parents and instead sought to follow Jesus because the existential nothingness was just too much for them and selling out seemed to be the only option. Again, nothing specifically against Christians, or Jews, or Muslims, or the fucking space whackos (actually, fuck those guys), ya’ll can follow whatever fruity idealistic theology your heart desire…I just want no part in it whatsoever.

Things that make living here great

·         Work: Chinese businesses have the same bullshit you have to deal with working in America, but the major difference here is the availability to jump onto something new. Sure, most companies here you need to sell your soul to a company for a year and basically switching to another job is a bunch of bureaucratic rubbish, but to find a job here once you’re here is no problem. Back in the states, even getting a minimum wage job can be a bit of a struggle with the way the economy has become, but here just being a native English speaker opens up doors to decent paying jobs with low hours. There is no worry

·         The Experience, man: it’s crazy living amongst people who are completely different in the way they are raised and really makes you think about the nature v. nurture argument. I often forget I am living halfway across the world in a totally foreign environment.

·         Solitude: even in a city of 8 million people, I have the ability to escape from the social sphere whenever I wish.

·         Muse: China has become a muse for me in writing, once again igniting the spirit within me that got me into writing in the first place. The material for writing is all around me and all I need do is observe unfolding situations and write these experiences into my own words, and there you have it, a story is born.

·         Time: this is a double-edged sword because I have an immense amount of time I can spend on myself, but with that comes great responsibility….which I lack.

·         Cost of Living: Dirt cheap. I’ll go home and be like “wait, what’s sales tax? Since when was the price not the price as listed? Wtf is going on here?” Or when I go to a restaurant and don’t tip and I’m all like “I thought it was offensive if I tipped. And wtf is this sales tax you added to my bill.”

o   Groceries: The quality of food here isn’t the greatest, but the stuff is so affordable yah just can’t complain. Let’s take for instance the last purchase I made between Tesco and the farmer’s market outside my home: I spent about 8 USD on 2 kilos of chicken breasts, an assortment of veggies, a kilo of tofu, curry paste, a half-liter of almond milk and a six-pack of “tall boys” (600 ml Tsingtao beers) that made a dinner for two plus plentiful leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

o   Beer/Cigarettes: Yes, the beer here isn’t great, but as noted previously, it’s extremely cheap and accessible.

o   Public Transportation: I miss the freedom of being able to drive a car, but at least getting around without one is no issue here. This is especially nice on nights I want to take a taxi home because I had one too many and its only costs 6-8 USD where it might cost 40-50 USD for the same journey back home.

o   Eating Out: Also insanely cheap at a large majority of Eastern restaurants especially without sales tax and tipping

o   Taobao: The amazon of China…fucking amazing

Things to Come

·         Going to the Great Wall in Beijing

·         Learning conversational Chinese…maybe

·         Working on my Masters

·         Teaching at the university next month

·         Getting better at going to bed early and waking up with the sun

·         Watching the entirety of Seinfeld and Friends