Things

                I’ve been in China now for nearly a year, so I think it’s high time to compile a quick list of things that have changed in this past year while noting the pros and cons of the Chinese expatriate life. I think the best way going about all this is to divide these numerous categories into things, because things are easy to organize…and I like it simple, quick, and in the evening (especially after a few beers and smokes)

Things I’ve learned:

·         How to cook, decently; i.e.:

 And Nutkum, just cause

·         How to cut my own hair (all I need is a pair of scissors, bathroom mirror…and some intoxication certainly helps)

·         How to live in solitude

·         How to save money and pay all my own bills

·         I now know lamb and duck are the two most delicious meats

·         Warm water is better for you than cold water (though I still think warm beer is gross)

o   However, I still don’t think AC can get you sick and I prefer the cold if I have an option in the matter

·         Ginger is the cure to everything

·         Proper sleep is important, and waking up early isn’t all that bad

·         Cleanliness is next to godliness and when you keep your place constantly clean, it is a lot easier to keep it that way rather than have to do a massive job once a month in tidying up

·         My American identity

o   I’m afraid of Americans

o   I’ve accepted I’m American

o   I’m still afraid of Americans

§  Especially crazy gun nuts

·         Figuring out directions without the help of Google maps (noted: not by choice)

·         Minimal Mandarin such as beer, cigarettes, bag, chopsticks, names of streets and squares, numbers 1-999, simple greetings, how to say sappy romantic shit for when my girlfriend is pissed off at me, how to say this (which is the most helpful because whenever im at a restaurant I can just point to what I want and say jeega – no clue in how to spell that btw), yes/no, stating to someone who is speaking Chinese to you that you “ don’t know how to speak Chinese,” Cheers which here means chugging your glasss

·         My pantomime technique has become ace. The best way to express what you need is through simple, fluid motions and sometimes creating a picture through hand gestures

Things I miss

·         Friends: despite all of the great mates I’ve made here, I still long for those whom I created a meaningful relationship my life prior to coming here. You know who you are and I shall catch up with you when I visit the states next summer.

·         Beer: it’s a lot easier to get drunk here with their lack of open container laws and the fact I can drink a beer at lunch (of course on days I’m not working!!!!) and no one looks at me funny. Such a terrific benefit for someone who enjoys their boozing, but Chinese beer, as I’ve said on numerous occasions, just isn’t that great, so much so, that even Budweiser is a treat. However, I still consider the trade-off better because those lunch beers and beers in the park are so god damn nice and sometimes I can throw out some dollas to get IPAs if need be.

·         Nightlife: Dalian is a beautiful city for what it’s worth and I enjoy every minute of being here. The people and atmosphere is great, except for the fact going out to experience nightlife is completely different from backhome. Now, I’m also at a disadvantage currently because I work weekends and most of the nights I go out are on Wednesdays/Thursdays, but even so the weekends I have gone out here have just not matched up to the Western standard. The reason for this is a lack of bar culture and a music scene. It’s not the most important thing for a decent living, but it would be nice if every once in a while if I could catch some groovy local bands while sipping on a dank microbrew then finish up the night at a 24 hour joint that serves tasty treats and coffee.

·         Fast Internet: I remember when I could just watch Netflix all day…..

·         Cook-Out, Chick-Fil-A, etc.: My fat American self is more than content with joints like McDonalds, KFC and Burger King everywhere, but these are shitty fast food places I would never visit back home (except for that time I lived by a McDonalds and a liquor store because they go hand-in-hand). Regardless of having my heady supply of American junkfood at my disposal, I still crave certain fast food items like a Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich deluxe with provolone cheese and Polynesian sauce, or a Cook-out tray with a quesadilla, chicken wrap, hushpuppies, cheerwine float (or a milkshake depending on the mood) and of course extra quesadilla sauce and honey mustard. Damn, I’m making myself hungry just writing this shit. I also find it a bit ironic I used ChickfilA and Cookout for my examples since these are both corporations that hold strict conservative Christian views…..thus bringing me to my next point;

The Thing that fucking irritates me

·         One of my major selling points in escaping to Chinaland was this belief of an authoritarian communist government that opposed any religion. Though my personal political affiliations support the freedom of dogmatic practices, I wanted to spend time away from the Bible belt I was raised in and discover myself in a culture that rejected such inane religiosity. I have nothing against people that want to believe in an invisible man floating around in the sky, you can believe what you want, I just don’t want to hear about it because it means nothing to me. Sadly, I forgot that a third of the world is Christian and with as big of a place as China is…there was an utter certainly that a huge flock of believers would graze these lands. I think Chinese Christians may annoy me more than their American counterparts because these folks, for the most part I imagine, are people who weren’t brainwashed by their conformist parents and instead sought to follow Jesus because the existential nothingness was just too much for them and selling out seemed to be the only option. Again, nothing specifically against Christians, or Jews, or Muslims, or the fucking space whackos (actually, fuck those guys), ya’ll can follow whatever fruity idealistic theology your heart desire…I just want no part in it whatsoever.

Things that make living here great

·         Work: Chinese businesses have the same bullshit you have to deal with working in America, but the major difference here is the availability to jump onto something new. Sure, most companies here you need to sell your soul to a company for a year and basically switching to another job is a bunch of bureaucratic rubbish, but to find a job here once you’re here is no problem. Back in the states, even getting a minimum wage job can be a bit of a struggle with the way the economy has become, but here just being a native English speaker opens up doors to decent paying jobs with low hours. There is no worry

·         The Experience, man: it’s crazy living amongst people who are completely different in the way they are raised and really makes you think about the nature v. nurture argument. I often forget I am living halfway across the world in a totally foreign environment.

·         Solitude: even in a city of 8 million people, I have the ability to escape from the social sphere whenever I wish.

·         Muse: China has become a muse for me in writing, once again igniting the spirit within me that got me into writing in the first place. The material for writing is all around me and all I need do is observe unfolding situations and write these experiences into my own words, and there you have it, a story is born.

·         Time: this is a double-edged sword because I have an immense amount of time I can spend on myself, but with that comes great responsibility….which I lack.

·         Cost of Living: Dirt cheap. I’ll go home and be like “wait, what’s sales tax? Since when was the price not the price as listed? Wtf is going on here?” Or when I go to a restaurant and don’t tip and I’m all like “I thought it was offensive if I tipped. And wtf is this sales tax you added to my bill.”

o   Groceries: The quality of food here isn’t the greatest, but the stuff is so affordable yah just can’t complain. Let’s take for instance the last purchase I made between Tesco and the farmer’s market outside my home: I spent about 8 USD on 2 kilos of chicken breasts, an assortment of veggies, a kilo of tofu, curry paste, a half-liter of almond milk and a six-pack of “tall boys” (600 ml Tsingtao beers) that made a dinner for two plus plentiful leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

o   Beer/Cigarettes: Yes, the beer here isn’t great, but as noted previously, it’s extremely cheap and accessible.

o   Public Transportation: I miss the freedom of being able to drive a car, but at least getting around without one is no issue here. This is especially nice on nights I want to take a taxi home because I had one too many and its only costs 6-8 USD where it might cost 40-50 USD for the same journey back home.

o   Eating Out: Also insanely cheap at a large majority of Eastern restaurants especially without sales tax and tipping

o   Taobao: The amazon of China…fucking amazing

Things to Come

·         Going to the Great Wall in Beijing

·         Learning conversational Chinese…maybe

·         Working on my Masters

·         Teaching at the university next month

·         Getting better at going to bed early and waking up with the sun

·         Watching the entirety of Seinfeld and Friends