AIR

AQI: Air Quality Index. Today’s AQI reached 700 as I waited for the bus back from tutoring. According to a news article I read a few days later, this was apparently the worse it has ever been in China. Though Dalian had pollution worse than 700 AQI a few times last winter, Sunday November 8^th was the worse for the entirety of China. You probably have no clue what AQI of 700 means; because that’s not something we think about back in the states…whether or not I can go outside without putting my health at risk. I got off the bus a stop early to purchase a mask from the convenience store and fastened the tight “made-for Chinese men” accessory across my flaky skin. Appreciation for breathing fresh air is not something you think about back in the states. We tend to concern ourselves with the poisonous fumes huffed and puffed by fag smokers, and the occasional PSA or liberal activist about how cars and factories are ruining our beautiful air. I had a lung problem before moving to China as a result of my unrelenting smoking addiction, and the doctors had warned me if I planned on moving to China then I would have to be extra careful about taking care of my internal organs. I’d seen pictures of Beijing on a smoggy afternoon, but surely I was moving to Dalian; a city surrounded by ocean and the nice cool breeze from sea to city street. For the most part, relatively speaking in Chinese standards, the air in Dalian is quite good, but I had easily forgotten the severity of the winter season. Despite China having numerous interests in green energy, they still burn coal to produce heat…a result unsurprising for a country still working its way into first-world status.

This week, my girlfriend traveled to Saipan for business and has been sending me photos of what it’s like. For those of you who don’t know what Saipan is: Saipan is the largest of the Northern Mariana Islands and contains 95% of their population.  Being out of America for over a year now, I have forgotten a lot of the little things I miss about the states: seeing the stars late at night, “normal” food, good beer, speaking English wherever you go…and of course, clean air. I really don’t think I could ever live in the states again; the reoccurring violence happening day to day is enough reason for me to migrate to somewhere like Canada instead. Nonetheless, I do long for the things that remain familiar to me: friends, family, places, materialistic goods, driving a car, live music, hordes of decent bars, sufficient internet…and of course, clean air.

The pressure of the shit air had dramatically made me question how much longer I can hold out in China. It makes me want leave, yet I am drawn to this place for its many advantages and wonders. Whenever I miss aspects of the states, I immediately recall the opportunities I had with that Bachelor’s in Literature…working as a substitute teacher living with my parents; my other option, obtaining a post-back teacher license…which means fuck all in making a decent living though least better than a sub-teacher or working at Chick-Fil-A again. Those are the options for a lot of the American expatiates out here: go home to something familiar and suffer the consequences of a shit economy or stay in this foreign trap(though a wonderland nonetheless) and make a decent living while never having to worry about money. In just 2 months, I’ve saved over a grand and eat out at least once a day on top of regular, casual drinking (note: wording is important when covering up a problem with the sauce).

The air is toxic, and some of the people are, too, but the good expats here make this place worthwhile. These outcasts who came here for the same reason, people…I hold dear to my heart who have made this adventure all the better.  Even as nuclear winter steadily approaches around me, I don’t have a regret in the world being in this wonderful place. I have discovered the joy of solitude and sharpening my skills that I usually let go to waste. Speaking of nuclear winter, Fallout 4 just came out, and I’ve saved up enough in the past few months I can afford a PS4 and still save up the majority of what I have tucker away…so I guess I’m going to sacrifice my devotion to that, for a time.